From the time I walked into the ER to the time I was discharged, I spent less than 72 hours in the hospital. In some ways it was the most boring time of my life. I heard a couple of other people having breakdowns but didn't see any of it. I wasn't mistreated in any way. I literally sat around watching TV or napping.
But now one of my greatest fears is going back.
It's been over a month now, but at night I still reach out to touch my boyfriend or pet my cat to assure myself that I'm home and not back at the hospital. For the first week, whenever I saw someone in the hospital on TV (I'm a Law & Order SVU fan so this was somewhat often) I'd feel my heart skip a beat and my anxiety level would rise. I can't bring myself to drop off an insurance form I need the doctor to fill out because I'm terrified of walking back into that wing of the hospital. (My boyfriend graciously agreed to do this.) A few nights ago I dreamed that my boyfriend was literally dragging me back into the hospital and I had to escape on foot and run for it. In the dream I became homeless because I was to afraid to return home and possibly be forced back into the hospital. I'm becoming a hermit and only leaving the house when I can't avoid it. Over the recent four-day holiday weekend I only left my house twice. I go to work everyday but it's a struggle to get out of bed each morning. I do feel comfortable at work, but I can't wait to return home. I sometimes have flashbacks of being hospitalized.
Studies have found that hospitalization can cause post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Generally, this is associated with stays in an ICU or in psychiatric cases, with being restrained, isolated, or abused or demeaned by the staff, all things that didn't happen to me. However, I found the intake process in the ER where I had to hand over everything I had with or on me, including my ring and my underwear, in front of a nurse and then have a security guard scan me with a wand to be dehumanizing. By the next morning, I was being held against my will even though I had gone in voluntarily. (If you try to leave against medical advice they may petition the court to have you stay.) In the psych ward, I had no control and I felt like I was in prison. I didn't even have ready access to a clock to keep track of the passing days. It turns out that these experiences can also elicit a strong emotional response.
I'm not self-diagnosing myself with PTSD. But I definitely had a strong emotional response and I don't know how long it will take to move past it. I do know that with the way I feel right now, it will be a cold day in hell before I seek help like that again.
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Sunday, November 25, 2018
GoFundMe is Not an Insurance Company
But you might think it is. It's certainly the place where many people go to pay for their outrageous medical bills. After my Facebook post, I had several people ask where they could donate money to help me. Ultimately, after finding out I couldn't get any assistance from the hospital, I decided to cash out my IRA. Many people have decried this, shouting, "There are options!" But what options? Insurance won't pay. The hospital won't help. As far as I know I don't qualify for any government assistance. Is that last option crowd-sourcing? I chose not to go that route because I was able to get the money on my own, even if it means I no longer have my meager retirement savings and I have to pay the government an extra 10% in penalties. If I have another medical emergency, I will have to resort to crowd-sourcing.
Apparently, hospitals are now counting on this.
Michigan resident Hedda Elizabeth Martin is in need of a heart transplant and the hospital has told her she is "not a candidate" until she has a "more secure financial plan" to pay for the post-operative immunosurpressing drugs. Their suggestion? "A fundraising effort of $10,000." As of writing this, her GoFundMe campaign has raised over $12,000. This still will not guarantee Martin receives the needed transplant. The hospital will merely reconsider her situation.
The matter of someone living or dying should not rest on how well-connected they are or how viral their social media post goes.
Apparently, hospitals are now counting on this.
Michigan resident Hedda Elizabeth Martin is in need of a heart transplant and the hospital has told her she is "not a candidate" until she has a "more secure financial plan" to pay for the post-operative immunosurpressing drugs. Their suggestion? "A fundraising effort of $10,000." As of writing this, her GoFundMe campaign has raised over $12,000. This still will not guarantee Martin receives the needed transplant. The hospital will merely reconsider her situation.
The matter of someone living or dying should not rest on how well-connected they are or how viral their social media post goes.
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Why Bother Having Insurance?
My last post stated that I'm facing a hospital bill in excess of $19,000. You might be asking, "What about insurance?" Or, "What would it be without insurance?" It's still $19,160. I have insurance but it doesn't cover inpatient mental health care. At all. So I don't even get the discount that insurance companies get through negotiated rates. I do have a supplemental plan that will hopefully pay $6,000 but I feel it will be an uphill battle getting the forms submitted to their liking. Here's the kicker: I may have been better off not having any insurance. The hospital I was at, like many, offers financial assistance. However, at this hospital, it is only available for people with no insurance at all. It doesn't matter that my primary insurance won't cover my stay or treatment or that there's no guarantee my supplemental policy will pay. I still have insurance, therefore I'm ineligible for any assistance.
It doesn't stop there. I may have been booted by the psychiatric PA I've been seeing since the beginning of the year. My insurance plan only covers three doctors visits a year at the copay. Three total. Of any kind. One primary care visit and two trips to the shrink? That's it. I'm cut off. The PA's office didn't realize this and had only been charging me my copay at each visit. Then every few months I'd get a bill for the balance of the visits. My last one was for $560. Never mind that I always pay. As far as they are concerned, my insurance is so bad I'm considered a cash patient and they only take people with insurance that pays. My next visit is scheduled for February and by then I will have a new plan as my current one is being discontinued. I don't expect my next insurance plan to be any better. All I know so far is my deductible will double. Additionally, nothing I have paid for out of pocket this year has gone towards my deductible.
I work for a very small company. Their primary concern when choosing what insurance to offer is to make sure we still have a paycheck after the premium is deducted. I know small companies don't have many options when choosing insurance for their employees. Few employees means there aren't many healthy people to pick up the tab for the unhealthy ones. The last company I worked for was also quite small, and staffed primarily by women. No one wanted to insure us. We had better insurance than I have now, but we definitely paid for it.
Why is it the American Way that so many have to profit off the sickness of others?
It doesn't stop there. I may have been booted by the psychiatric PA I've been seeing since the beginning of the year. My insurance plan only covers three doctors visits a year at the copay. Three total. Of any kind. One primary care visit and two trips to the shrink? That's it. I'm cut off. The PA's office didn't realize this and had only been charging me my copay at each visit. Then every few months I'd get a bill for the balance of the visits. My last one was for $560. Never mind that I always pay. As far as they are concerned, my insurance is so bad I'm considered a cash patient and they only take people with insurance that pays. My next visit is scheduled for February and by then I will have a new plan as my current one is being discontinued. I don't expect my next insurance plan to be any better. All I know so far is my deductible will double. Additionally, nothing I have paid for out of pocket this year has gone towards my deductible.
I work for a very small company. Their primary concern when choosing what insurance to offer is to make sure we still have a paycheck after the premium is deducted. I know small companies don't have many options when choosing insurance for their employees. Few employees means there aren't many healthy people to pick up the tab for the unhealthy ones. The last company I worked for was also quite small, and staffed primarily by women. No one wanted to insure us. We had better insurance than I have now, but we definitely paid for it.
Why is it the American Way that so many have to profit off the sickness of others?
Monday, November 19, 2018
I Went Viral and it Only Cost Me $19,160
One month ago yesterday, I was so sure I was going to kill myself that I went to the ER seeking help. This resulted in a 3 night, 2.5 day hospital stay and a bill for $19,160. My resulting Facebook post about the poor state of mental health care and outrageous cost went viral. At the time of writing this, my post has been shared 127,745 times and has 18,000 comments. I've been contacted by journalists, had the CEO of the behavioral health department of the hospital reach out to me, gotten more friend requests than you can shake a stick at, and even had one delusional soul show up at my place of employment.
To summarize, I was charged over $19,000 for adult daycare, my insurance sucks, I can kiss my IRA goodbye, and many people really cared. I've had complete strangers offer me money and a listening ear. One even sent me her phone number.
I obviously touched a nerve.
So, in the hopes of piggy-backing on my viral post, I am creating this blog. This is me, a woman with mental illness, navigating life and the American health care system. I also hope to share stories about current and past issues concerning the field of medicine and am willing to post my readers' stories, as well. I want to educate people on the pros and cons of our current system and how they affect real people. Along the way, I will share my life with you, giving you a glimpse into what it is like to live with depression, anxiety, and trichotillomania.
To summarize, I was charged over $19,000 for adult daycare, my insurance sucks, I can kiss my IRA goodbye, and many people really cared. I've had complete strangers offer me money and a listening ear. One even sent me her phone number.
I obviously touched a nerve.
So, in the hopes of piggy-backing on my viral post, I am creating this blog. This is me, a woman with mental illness, navigating life and the American health care system. I also hope to share stories about current and past issues concerning the field of medicine and am willing to post my readers' stories, as well. I want to educate people on the pros and cons of our current system and how they affect real people. Along the way, I will share my life with you, giving you a glimpse into what it is like to live with depression, anxiety, and trichotillomania.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)